Did you know that the general weight of an octopus is 100-110 lbs?
Well here is my journey on losing the octopus that has engulfed my life.
June 2017 I decided I was going to use this year to be the healthiest me possible. Great! I just got a new boyfriend, I had a job I loved, I stopped drinking (mostly), and It was summer. Nothing could stop me from achieving this goal. I was wrong. It is now March 2018 and I can say I have lost a total of 7 lbs this year. I feel more sluggish than I had before so now it is time to honestly evaluate what happened.
You know what happened? I have very little self-control when it comes to food. I am one who would rather sleep in then get up early to go to the gym. I like french fries and chocolate Ice cream.
Me. I am the reason this goal of losing 90+ pounds this year didn’t happen. Yes. That’s right. I need to lose a total of 100 pounds. My highest weight was 245. I know that for some that are a chump change amount of weight to lose but for me, that is a big deal. I never imagined I would be that weight. I remember when I used to be 160 and all my friends were 115-120, I felt like a whale. I hated the feeling. I hated myself. Ever since I was a pre-teen I have been on the heavier side. Puberty helped me stack on the pounds.
I remember being in 12th grade, I had such a focus on my weight I would go to the gym for up to 3 hours at a time to make sure I was losing weight. I dropped weight like there was no tomorrow. I got back to 160 which still wasn’t ideal for me. I started shaming myself for being unable to get smaller than that.
That is when I started taking a specific medicine and gained about 50 pounds. 10 years ago. I have been in the 200’s for over 10 years. Over those 10 years, I have yoyo’d back and forth between 210 and 245.
This is something that I am NOT ok with. I am determined to get back to my healthiest self. So here we go. If you are interested in being an accountability buddy with me I would absolutely love to be on this journey with someone!
I know you hate the way you look. Please stop. You know those people who have said things in the past. They are no longer in your life. Those who are can see your beauty. The people who are in your life now are here to support you and love you.
You wake up every morning knowing the clothes you love are not the clothes you will be wearing. You look at the boxes of clothes that are too small and try to squeeze into them- only making you feel worse. You then cover up with a hoodie or jacket. You look at your reflection and see the failed attempts and living a healthier life. Well- I’m giving you another chance. Fresh start. Erasing all of the memories of past attempts. I know you hit your highest weight and that scared you. I know that you feel like the heavier you get the less love you will have.
I want you to know that you are loved. That love will not change if you lose weight or if you gain weight. You need to do this for YOU. The people who love you are here to encourage and support you. They are not judging you if you slip up. I know sometimes that ice cream is too hard to pass up. If you ask for the help- you will get it.
You have this. I know deep down you don’t believe that you can make this work but you will. You have this amazing skill at getting right back on the horse when you get flung off. Please never lose that. I know you have been trying for the majority of your life to be the woman that you know you can be. It is time to find her.
You’ve got this. You will be the woman that you know is hiding in there. This will not just be a transformation of physical appearance but you will learn to love yourself. This weight loss journey is not for those around you. THIS IS FOR YOU!
I believe in you. You have done amazing things this last 2 years. So many challenges were thrown your way. It is time to come out of hiding and show this world what an amazing person you are! Stop hiding in the background. You are worth the time and affection of everyone in your life.
There will come a point you will get married and have kids. When this time comes, you will NEED to be healthier. You will need to be able to have the strong self-control to say no to more things when you are raising children. This will be a good test run. If you can’t take care of yourself how will you take care of your family? You’ve got this. It will not be an easy road. If you stick to it though, your life will continue to amaze you!
Let people know. You need the support, especially as you are trying to learn how to grow stronger in your self-control.
Love you, Darling.